I did it. I landed my dream job. Administrative Assistant of Youth & Family Ministries at a big, thriving church in Phoenix, AZ. It seemed to come at the perfect time. I was restless at work, I had just had my heart broken (and we’re still not talking about that) and it’s Midwestern Winter Time.
I was in gypsy mode, ready to pack up and move in two weeks and start over completely. I was ready. Looking for apartments kind of ready, not making plans past next week kind of ready, letting myself let home go. Then, it happened.
After a week or so of planning my desert wardrobe and looking for furnished apartments, it happened. God slammed the door. Not on me, but on the church. When they called me tonight to get verbal confirmations these words came out of my mouth.
“Unfortunately, the timing’s not right. The job is perfect, the church is wonderful, but God needs me to grow where I’m planted.”
(Excuse me, self! Do you have any freaking idea what you’ve just done!?)
“I may not totally love the hectic life that I live here, but there are people here that I need to be Jesus to. Including myself. I need a Christmas with my family. I need to be there when my sister tries on wedding dresses in January. I need to be there for the youth group and the church. I’m needed right here. As much as that hurts me, as much as this feels like I’m turning down a dream, God’s not done with me here yet.”
After hanging up the phone, I sobbed. I mean ugly cry, Christmas Shoes, Sarah Mclaughlin puppy commercials, Ben & Jerry’s for dinner style sobbing. Gross. Mascara everywhere, deep soul wounded sobs that my chest still feels the ache of.
What if I made the wrong choice? In six months, I’ll probably be bored again. I’ll probably be kicking myself. I’ll probably be wishing for sand and suntan and coffee dates with my sweet friends in Phoenix. When that happens, I’ll go on vacation.
It’s not that I think I’ll stay here forever. In fact, I’m certain more now than I’ve ever been that Galesburg is not where I’m supposed to be. This is not where my ministry is. But, this is a place that I find hope. This is a place where I get to be the light of Jesus to people that need it every day of my life. While I don’t know what that means or where that will take me, I do know that that is the adventure that God has planned for me…and I’m excited to see what happens.