January is the month for life change. All of the dreamers, goal makers and list lovers come of the woodwork. They fill the gyms, neglect snooze buttons, abuse Google calendar, buy those tickets, ban carbs and make decisions. I am not immune to this, and I know few people that are.
This year, I made plans to get my dream job, start a successful blog that made a difference, and to fit into a smaller size for my sister’s wedding. In the midst of all of that, I got promoted at my desk job, providing less time that I wasn’t tethered to a telephone. I work the most inconsistent schedule of all time, and it’s infringed on all of the above goals. I don’t have time to write the way I want to, I don’t have the ability to make meetings more advanced than the week of and I don’t have time to get to the gym or have a daily schedule that’s mine when things are different every day.
I’m not complaining. My “inbetween” job has allowed me to have things I haven’t in a long time. Like health insurance and money to pay my school debt, all of that stuff. But, I have yet to call it my job. I have yet to let myself settle into it. There are good and bad reasons for this.
I’m not much of a settler. I have what Van Morrison called a “gypsy soul” and it’s only emphasized more by the size of the city that I live in and the fact that I, quite literally, have no friends even in the state anymore. Which isn’t bad and it doesn’t mean that I’m unwanting of community. It’s just harder to start over when you’re unsure that you’re actually starting the journey that your heart longs for.
The world that Social Media creates in terms of what it looks like to “do ministry” is absolutely crazy. Most of the time, it’s filled with photos of mission trips and smiling sweet children, apartments in big cities and barista jobs while part-timing as an AMAZING photographer. There are engagements, weddings, puppies, babies and life changes that happen miraculously without hiccup. These things are not a snapshot of real life. There are bills to pay and laundry to do, clocks to punch and phone calls to make. There are stressful nights of sleeplessness and days in bed with Netflix.
I am thankful for my job. I’m good at it, most days, but I know that it’s not what my true passion is. Customer Service calls do not joyful moments make. But, I’m thankful for the ability to make a difference in the small ways that I can and pray for moments of laughter and joy in the midst of pressure filled conversations. Tensions run high when things go wrong and I have the abilities to fix it, with a smile more often than not.
When life gets normal, average and ordinary, is God still in it? Yes. Absolutely. I may not be making Him known in ways that are better seen through an Instagram filter, but I’m growing where I’m planted. I’m learning to plan. I’m getting myself prepared to fly into the next chapter of my life, even as I’m still writing this one. I think that’s okay. For now, I will update my resume more than my Twitter feed. I will stay home to save money. I will read. I will speak. I will grow and I will wait for the adventure to begin that I know that God has for me.