It’s Valentine’s Day Weekend! May your lives, homes and offices be full of flowers, candy assortments and stuffed animals today! If they’re not, that’s okay too! You are significant with or without a significant other so, go be free and do your thing! (For me, that means I’ve been DVRing sappy romantic movies all week and I’ve got a Tuscan Chicken Digiorno’s pizza in my freezer. I’m ready.)
For the past several Valentine’s Days, I’ve become more and more aware of how naked my left hand is, how few butterflies I feel about a man and how much I want to have someone to dress up for. Alongside that, though, I realize that I am almost impossible for a lot of men to love. It’s true. As fly, beautiful and strong as I am it’s difficult. Because, I have scars.
Since elementary school, and even into college I was bullied. It’s a very serious thing.
I was never considered “good enough” to be loved by the people that were “good enough”. There are multitudes of instances that I was invited to dances just be told that I wasn’t pretty enough to go with. I was asked on dates just to be publicly humiliated a few times. (At least one of those guys is married now.) I’ve been used as a contact to which pictures of genitals and sexually explicit text messages were sent without my consent. I was told to keep it quiet because we were friends. It was shameful. It’s done some real damage to my ability to date, be pursued and not feel completely unworthy of a guy saying “Hey, you. You’re exactly what I want.”
I know a lot of women that are in the same situation that I am. They fall into the arms of the first guy that will have them because their self-esteem is eggshell thin. Some of these guys really do care, though. Which is amazing! (Can I get an “Amen!” for the stand-up guys!?)
For you, stand-up, door opening, committed men, I write this.
How To Date a Beautiful Woman that was a Bullied Girl.
1. Mean what you say. Every time.
2. Give actual compliments. (“You’re pretty” doesn’t cut it. “You’re kind and you encourage me.” Does. Reasons and details.)
3. Be Consistent (It’s nice to know that we can count on you.)
4. Be Aware of Her Triggers. (In my case, I’m extremely sensitive to words. So, I’m good with a man that gives them to me freely and sincerely. Be open and honest.)
5. Give Her Space. (It doesn’t mean she hates you. Bullied Girls that have grown into Strong Women are like shelter dogs. Kind of. We need to feel safe before we’ll let you call us yours.)
6. Don’t be the Hashtag Couple. (This may just be me, but, I share enough of my life on the internet. I don’t need a couple’s hashtag and a selfie every time we’re in the car together. But, the once-in-awhile brag post probably wouldn’t kill me.)
7. Take Care of the Small Things. (This goes along with being consistent. Take care of dinner, give her time to rest with you. Being strong when you’re wounded is difficult.)
8. Let Her Know She’s Significant! (Outside of being your significant other, she’s valued. You both are. Remember that. Build separate communities that can come together.)
9. Let Her Love You Like Crazy (Because, she really wants to.)
10. Punch Her Dark Parts in the Face. (She’ll still have doubts about how great she is. I promise. Don’t let her doubt it for a second.)
Know that we appreciate the man you are. Know that even as our friends you have an impact on how we see ourselves.
Join the Tarte Cosmetics fight against Cyber Bullying and raise awareness by using the #kissandmakeup on social media platforms today!
You are tremendously loved and admired.