I know we don’t talk often but, I think at this point in the evening as the party’s winding down we should.
I’ve been fighting off men with sticks tonight! Let’s face facts, this dress hits in all of the right places, the music’s good and the cute bartender keeps smiling at me.
I’d hit on me, too. But, here’s the thing. Every one of the men that have hit on me tonight have been one of your boyfriends.(By the way, yeah, hottie bartender? He doesn’t have a girlfriend. I checked. Smile away, sir!)
Now, I’m not complaining. Handsome men that want to buy me drinks or offer an elbow for me to get somewhere? Great. But, the comments should stop. I tripped, because, Palsy and dress shoes, your beau grabbed me by the hips and said “It’s been a long time since a pretty girl has fallen for me, Laura.” I appreciated his willingness not to let me hit the floor, but we had to have a talk about his hand placement.
We both know that I love good flirtatious banter. I love intelligent arguments and well worded pickup lines. I love hand touching and long gazes. The fact of the matter is I have mastered all of those things and I’m damn good at using them when I need to.
There are reasons that your boyfriends hit on me as opposed to other “hot girls” and you let it happen. We need to discuss why this is not only entirely uncomfortable for me, but, should offend you just as much.
- I am “unmarked territory”. Naked ring finger and few signs of desperation mean that this girl is not looking to go home to anyone’s bed but her own and the only man allowed in is the cup of Earl Grey she brings with her. This means he doesn’t have to follow through. He can play the game and walk away. The reason this should embarrass you is that he’s wasting all of his good lines on me, tell him to reign it in and bring it your way. When he does, you’ll thank me. It’s frustrating for me because, I deserve someone’s A Game and I’m definitely not target practice.
- He thinks I need a “pick me up”. A friend of my sister’s did this to me on her bachelorette weekend. I walked downstairs, ready to go out and he said “Wow! You’re going to knock them dead tonight. Laura, you look hot!” Here’s the problem with that…comments like that didn’t come out of his mouth to any of the other girls that night. Here’s why. They were pity words. That doesn’t mean he didn’t mean them, but, I’m pretty sure he thought that “poor little Laura” needed an ego boost. I didn’t. I was flattered, but, later, after reciprocating such banter, he made the assumption that I was interested and made a grand soliloquy as to why he was not interested and that he was actually dating someone. He felt bad for me and wanted to let me down gently. If that were the case, the comment, while true, should not have been made in the first place. A simple “You look nice” would suffice.
- He thinks it’s funny. A now married man used to hit on me in front of his then girlfriend. He used to tell me he’d run away with me, but wasn’t sure I could keep up. He told me that I was twice the woman his lady was. I am. She’s incredibly slender. The joke, while funny and true was mean spirited. Not okay. His lack of respect for any woman should make your stomach sick.
Now, I’m not saying that the occasional flirtatious comment is completely disallowed. What I’m asking is that it not be given a gold star by the women that claim these men. It shouldn’t be okay for him to hit on the Plus Sized Girl With Palsy if it’s not okay for him to hit on the hot, able bodied brunette in the corner. I’m just asking that it not be justified because you think I need it, or you think that I don’t have a snowball’s chance in July because of my body.
I don’t need your validation or that of your man-mister. Please and thank you. Please stop making him think I do.