It’s that time of year again, friends. Time for old acquaintance be forgot and yada yada..right? Girl, same!
Let’s face facts for a moment, shall we? 2016 was the worst. I mean, really. I started the year with kidney stones and surgery, ended it drowning in self doubt and depression unlike anything I had faced in my life. So, there I sat on New Year’s Eve working a job that weighs down my soul, wearing stretchy pants because nothing else fits and scrolling through ootals and ootals of cliché holiday proposals. I was officially 3,2,1…done!
Upon midnight’s arrival, I hit the Deactivate button on my Facebook account and pulled up my calendar making an appointment with my doctor. In the interest of sparing you any confusion, I’ll instead tell you that I love the life that social media has given me, okay? I love that this blog has gotten to a place it provides me community and space for self-expression. However, personal social medias have become black holes for the time that I could spending doing so many more things. They fill my empty spaces with looking up ex boyfriends or, the man who is unattainable. The scrolling accompanies the rolling of my eyes as I see the seventeenth photo of that friend’s baby that she’s posted since dawn and feel the pain of pining as couples get together, fall in love, get engaged and married. Sometimes, it gets hard. Sometimes, the tears come when they shouldn’t and most nights I fall asleep lonelier that I woke.
It’s become so easy to lose ourselves in the images of other people. It is second nature to most of us to feel subpar when we see moments flash in front of us that we cannot claim for ourselves. It’s like window shopping for life when we’ve got amazing things in our own closets, we just have to appreciate them.
It is not in my nature to be selfish. But, there are a few things I know and one of them is that this 2017 is the only one I’m going to get. It is now mine. I will spend it in the most precious of endeavors. 2017 I will love myself more. I will love myself more than anything.
Step One. Take my damn medication! I mean, I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for over a decade and I still haven’t taught myself how to get on a schedule with this!? REALLY!? So, refills ordered, reminder alarms set and well, we’re giving it our best shot.
Step Two. Communicate more meaningfully. This includes but, is not limited to the Facebook actication and finally telling hottie the hot bartender that four months is just too long to wait for a solid dinner invite, or a coffee, or a freaking conversation that I don’t have to initiate.
Step Three. Read every word I can get my hands on. I have a list of 52 books to read in 52 weeks, and it’s Tuesday of my first week starting book two. (Did every Nerd alarm in the world just go off? Great!)
There are several other things I want to do with my tear. Become financially stable, move, create a capsule wardrobe and a few other things but, I want to leave you with this. This year is yours. This year is for creating and moving and growing. This year is for the beauty that’s inside of you. Please take time to see that.